Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Life is hard. As a kid, I remember hearing adults say that life would only get harder with time, but I didn’t believe them. Things felt simple and exciting. But what we take for granted as children, we often yearn for as adults.

As I grew into my teen years, the rose-tinted glasses began to come off. Life began to feel heavy, like I was carrying something I didn’t know how to name. Anxiety crept in. I started feeling different, like I didn’t quite belong. I believed I was broken. I wondered if God had checked out, because He was disappointed that I couldn’t be joyful and happy all the time.

But what I didn’t see back then: He never left. He was closer than ever.

The Bible is full of people who wrestled with hard emotions. Take Elijah in 1 Kings 19. He had just performed miraculous acts through God’s power, but Jezebel threatened his life in response. Elijah, drained and fearful, said, “I have had enough, Lord. Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” And how did God respond? Not with a reprimand, not with “be grateful.” Instead, He sent an angel to care for him, to be with him in the darkness. God met Elijah exactly where he was.

Or Jonah in chapter 4. He’s angry and overwhelmed, telling God, “Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.” And God shows up. He talks to Jonah and even provides a plant to shade him from the sun after he runs off in frustration. God doesn't abandon Jonah to his bitterness. He stays present.

Pain was something I thought I had to just get through or ignore. But as I’ve walked through seasons of suffering, I’ve learned that God doesn’t ask us to run from our pain, but He asks us to meet Him in it. Jesus Himself didn’t run from His suffering. In the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed in anguish, asking God to take the cup of suffering away, but surrendered it to God. And on the cross, He cried out, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' Even the Son of God felt the weight of darkness.

Here’s the truth I’ve come to hold onto: God doesn’t leave us in that place. Elijah’s story doesn’t end in fear. Jonah’s story doesn’t end in bitterness. And Jesus' story certainly doesn’t end in death. God met each of them in their darkest moments and transformed and redeemed them. Pain didn’t get the final word.

In God’s hands, pain has purpose.

There’s no denying the darkness in our world: sickness, loss, poverty, injustice, and the list keeps going. It’s everywhere. But I encourage you, don’t rush past the pain; there is holy ground beneath your pain. Sit in it for a moment because that’s often where God shows up. He doesn’t avoid the broken places, instead, He meets us in them. And in His timing, He makes even the most shattered things beautiful.

Have the most amazing day!

Jayden Smith

Who Is This Man

Repetition is a powerful tool for memorizing verses and information. It’s something we seek out to help us grow. But repetition when it’s not on our terms, can feel irritating. Like a song on loop, or someone bringing the same problem to you without seeking solutions. What once was helpful can quickly become annoying.

Over the past few years, something has been repeated and not by any one person. One day, someone laid it out clearly for me, “Jayden, God is trying to tell you something. Listen.”

It all started about five years ago when I attempted to follow The Bible Recap with a few of my youth group leaders. The Bible Recap is a chronological Bible reading plan, and by day four, I hit the book of Job, and I struggled. I hate to admit it, but I became Job’s number one hater that year. I told myself I would never read that book again, dismissing it as nothing more than useless back-and-forth between Job and his so-called friends. End of discussion. Book closed.

Two years later, I found myself at a Christian university, where my Old Testament professor dedicated an entire lecture to the uniqueness of Job. He explained how the book was primarily written as poetry rather than a classic narrative. This stirred grace within me, and I had a desire to reread the book. After all, if Job made it into the Bible, it probably had something to teach.

I went verse by verse, reading different commentaries over each section of the book of Job. After many months and a couple breaks, I finally finished. I admit, I was wrong about Job.

Job was “a man of perfect integrity, who fears God and turns away from evil” (1:8). Satan approached God, questioning Job’s faith, arguing that it was only strong because of His blessings. So, God allowed Satan to test him. One by one, Job lost everything—his servants, his wealth, even his children (1:14). His wife urged him to curse God and be done with it (2:9), but “throughout all of this Job did not sin in what he said” (2:10). Then, his three friends arrived, mourning with him before launching into 34 chapters of debate. Job wrestled with his pain, his confusion, and his questions, yet he held fast to God.

In those chapters, there is so much to unpack. Job 31 echoes the sermon on the mount. It covers the same ethical issues, like lust (31:1,9-12), loving your neighbor (31:13-15), social justice (31:16-23), and idolatry (31:24-28). Then, God finally answers Job in chapter 38.

I made a note in Job 38:2-3, that says, “We shouldn’t think that God expected them to know what they couldn’t know, He wanted them to appreciate that there were aspects to the matter known to God but hidden to man. Those things made sense of things that don’t make sense.” Then my favorite chapter comes last. Job comes humbly before God in contentment with not knowing the answers to questions he has had about his situation. God then restores Job. My favorite quote from one of the commentaries I read says this,

“If we find it exasperating that God never gives Job any reason for his long ordeal of suffering, then we have entirely missed the point of these final chapters. While it is true that the Lord’s answer was neither logical nor theological, this is not the same as saying that he gives no answer. The Lord does give an answer. His answer is Himself.”

Which leads to the question, who is this man who praised God when all was lost? Who is this man who fell in prayer saying, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord,” (1:21)?  Who is this man who says, “as long as my breath is still in me and the breath from God remains in my nostrils, my lips will not speak unjustly,” (27:3-4)? Because in all honesty, I would doubt God’s love. I have had doubts over smaller things, let alone the loss of everything and everyone I love.

The book of Job doesn’t provide easy answers, but it does reveal truth: God is sovereign, and He is enough. Even in suffering, even in confusion, even when we don’t understand, He is still God, and He is still good. Job may not have received the answers he wanted, but he encountered God Himself, and that was more than enough. May we, too, find peace not in explanations, but in the presence of our Creator.

Have an amazing day!

Jayden Smith

Living the Mission

One of the local ministries that Grace supports, and one I have the joy of being part of, is Young Life (YL). Though YL is still relatively new to the Newton community, its history here runs deeper than many might realize. In the early 1910s, Jim Rayburn, the founder of Young Life, lived in Newton for most of his childhood.

At its core, Young Life is about building relationships with middle and high school students and introducing them to the gospel. The goal is for leaders to step into students’ lives, meet them where they are, and consistently show up for them, earning the right to be heard through relational connection.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a Leader Weekend with YL. To be honest, I wasn’t eager to go. I only knew one other person attending, and the thought of traveling far and feeling “alone” didn’t appeal to me. But I swallowed my pride, showed up, and quickly realized it was exactly what my heart needed.

Throughout the weekend, Justin McRoberts shared powerful messages about living a life modeled after Jesus. One point has stuck with me ever since:

"Nothing you do [in leading and serving others] is as important to God as who you are while doing it."

Ephesians 2:8-10 echoes this truth:

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Ministry and outreach are vital, but it’s easy to get caught up in the doing and forget the why. I’ve fallen into this trap time and time again, especially when ministry is part of my job.

McRoberts spoke about “living out the mission” through the story in Acts 8:26-38. In this passage, the Spirit tells Philip to take the road to Gaza, where he encounters an Ethiopian eunuch reading from Isaiah. Philip asks if he understands what he’s reading, to which the eunuch replies, “How can I unless someone guides me?” Philip takes the time to sit with him, explain the passage, and share the gospel. Moved by their conversation, the eunuch is baptized in a nearby body of water.

This story is powerful because Philip didn’t know where he was going, he simply obeyed when God said, “Get up and go south.” He followed when the Spirit said, “Go and join that chariot.” Often we are too quick to act when God is simply calling us to listen; first to Himself, then to those you want to love. As believers, we don’t grow the seeds, that’s God’s work. McRoberts’ final point resonated deeply: Philip was ‘on his way to…’ I know that if I focus too much on where I’m going, I risk seeing people as only a mission, and forget to love them as a person.

This is why I love Young Life. It’s a relational ministry where I get to be intentional about loving kids because God is so intentional about loving me. I invite you to add Newton Young Life to your prayer list and lift up the next generation of believers in prayer.

Blessings,

Jayden Smith

The Ultimate Gift

As a child, Christmas was a magical time filled with new toys, delicious food, and the excitement of gifts. It was one of the few days of the year, besides your birthday, when you could count on receiving presents. What wasn’t there to love about that? Christmas was simple then—fun, carefree, and full of excitement. It is sad that growing up usually means losing that childlike joy and seeing Christmas as a season of stress and tight funds. 

Growing up, I loved gifts. I knew that the meaning of Christmas was the day Jesus was born, however, I knew I would be receiving His birthday presents. I remember waking up at 6 or 7 years old, racing out of my room, eager to see what gifts awaited me. Every year, I received more than enough, but there was always one thing I longed for, a Barbie Dream House. I had enough dolls, clothes, and accessories to supply an army, but my Barbies remained homeless.

Then, one Christmas, as I was about to give up hope, I unwrapped my last gift. Beneath the wrapping paper, I spotted a pink box. My heart jumped, and I ran to my mom, grinning from ear to ear. That moment became the highlight of my childhood, nothing could compare to the joy I felt after waiting years for this gift.

A couple of years ago, it hit me that I might never feel that same level of excitement again. As I’ve reflected on Christmas this year, I’m reminded that the heart of the holiday goes far beyond presents. Making Advent posts on social media has been a way for me to pause and consider the deeper meanings of Christmas— hope, peace, joy, and love. And, as cliché as it may sound, I’ve realized that the greatest gift I’ve ever received was given to me long ago. The book of James reminds us, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17). As a child, I might have disagreed, but now I understand that the birth of Jesus is far more than just the arrival of a baby, it is the ultimate gift.

This Christmas, I’ve found hope (Isaiah 25:9), knowing that the One Israel waited for came and fulfilled all He promised. That same hope fills me as I look forward to Him returning. I’ve found peace (Isaiah 9:6-7), knowing that the Prince of Peace will reign forever, bringing peace with no end. And I’ve found joy (John 3:16-17), knowing that God’s only Son came to be the ultimate sacrifice for me, and knowing that His Spirit is with us because of that sacrifice. Finally, I’ve been overwhelmed with love (Galatians 4:4-5), knowing that through Jesus’ birth, I’ve been adopted into God’s family. 

If I could be filled with so much joy from receiving a Barbie Dream House, how much greater is the joy I experience now, knowing that my Savior has come once and will come again?

Merry Christmas!

Jayden Smith

One Step at a Time

I used to consider myself a very patient person. I was calm and level-headed 90% of the time, never one to succumb to road rage. I was fine with waiting in long lines or being stuck in traffic—these things didn't faze me. For a while, I wore my patience like a badge of honor. Waiting three hours for a roller coaster? No problem. Sitting in traffic? I was just hanging out. I thought that the Spirit in me was radiating patience, until it felt like it wasn’t.

In April of 2023, I broke my ankle in three places and was told I wouldn’t be able to walk for 10-12 weeks. Inconveniently, in 15 weeks, I was taking kids to camp in Colorado, and in 16 weeks, I was moving to Georgia to work at a camp in the Appalachian Mountains. Suddenly, patience felt like a distant memory. I found myself consumed by frustration, anger, and fear about the future. Verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and Isaiah 30:18 seemed to mock me rather than comfort me.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says,
"Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

And Isaiah 30:18 says,
"Therefore the Lord is waiting to show you mercy,
and is rising up to show you compassion,
for the Lord is a just God.
All who wait patiently for Him are happy."

It was hard to imagine being happy, let alone patient, in the midst of such pain. Being forced to rely on others for everything made it even more difficult to “rejoice always”. But in hindsight, I believe God was trying to slow me down. I had been living at a fast pace, rarely stopping to notice His presence around me. Through this experience, I began to redefine patience. I realized that patience isn’t just about enduring for a few hours or days—it can also mean waiting for months, even seasons, with hope and trust. I learned to be patient with myself, too. I couldn't rush my healing process or force my body to recover faster. I had to wait, to accept where I was in the moment, and trust that God was using this time to shape me.

What once felt like a setback has, in fact, brought me closer to God. Through this journey, I’ve come to understand that patience isn’t just about waiting—it’s about trusting, learning, and growing, even in the hardest moments.

Have a blessed day :)

Jayden Smith