I am quitting (or at least will leave on October 28).
Since this will be my last staff journal, I would love to share about my time here at GCC.
Grace is the first church I remember ever going to. It was here at Grace that I went to Sunday School, Awana, Igniter, and was baptized. I learned about God, memorized the books of the Bible, played games, and made some amazing friends. Grace will always hold such a sweet spot in my heart, and being on staff only makes it that much sweeter.
Don’t get me wrong, there were times I was ready to rage quit or scream or cry. Working in ministry isn’t for the faint of heart and isn’t all rainbows. But those days and moments get buried in all of the joyful times I have had here.
God knew what he was doing when he gave me this job, even if I didn’t understand why I got hired. I have been stretched and tested. I have grown so much in my communication skills, professionally and personally. Through all that, I have been poured into, helped, motivated, and loved so well.
Now I think God is teaching me that sometimes walking away from a good thing is the right thing. Since working here, I went back to school and got my B.S. in Psychology, worked at Norm’s, and this past summer got hired on by Young Life here in Newton. So many good things, but now it is time for me to take a step back.
I am starting to feel like Elijah in 1 Kings 18-19. He had experienced an incredible victory, but then found himself overwhelmed, exhausted, and asking God to take his life. God didn’t ask him to do more. He let him rest. I have been doing a lot (working roughly 40 hours, doing high school ministry, taking 16 credit hours), and now I’m tired.
I have been open about having chronic health issues and dealing with mental health too, and this season has not been kind to either. I am worn and want to remember what it is like to be God’s child before I do anything for Him.
I have been listening to a book by Francis Chan called “Beloved.” At the very beginning of the book, he talked about how too many Christians serve out of obligation, thinking this is what they need to do, rather than serving out of an overflow of God’s love. I began to cry because it hit me that I lost the plot and began treating ministry like my ticket to God’s love. In doing so, I have become standoffish with God and have been keeping him at arm's length. I don’t want that.
So, I am going to take a couple of months to remember what it is like to be loved by God, not by anything I do, but just because He loves me.
I will still be working for Young Life because it is something I am passionate about, and you might see me working at Norm’s because I still have bills to pay. Please say hi! But I think the past few months have forced me to remember something: I am not God. I can’t do it all, and I was never asked to. I am loved before I do anything. I now need to relearn how to live from that love instead of working for it.
With love,
Jayden Smith